Why am I here?

 

Since my early childhood one thought has consistently bothered me;

Why am I here?

As the days passed it became;

Why the bloody hell am I here?

Now it is;

I should not be here.

I don't know why it bothers me. To me the world is like a windowless house. I keep searching for the window so I can peep out. That window is within us. It is not easy to locate and open.

It is futile to think death will open that window. The mind that is creating the world survives death and again drags us back to this world.

We need to cease interacting with this world. We need to ignore it to an extent that it realizes we are not working material. The scriptures talk of not making any plans. One just rolls on like the wheel of a cart that has detached itself. After some time it will lose its momentum and fall.

One needs a Guru. But it is not necessary that the Guru be in physical form. India is replete with memories and advice of sincere Sages. If you per chance read about them it is because they have willed it. Follow them and they become your Guru. The real Guru is the Self. It is always there with you. The Self pulls you in from inside. The Guru pushes you in from outside. When you submit to the Guru you become the detached wheel.

Self realization is not about losing anything. People recoil from the concept because they are in love with the world, infatuated with it and enjoying what little it has to give and suffering pain anxiety insecurity and fear as a result. Self realization is reaching your fullest potential. It is like gaining your father's property that nobody can ever take from you.

When you live in a rented house while your father has a grand castle you often think;

I should not be here.

Self realization is coming home.